What is it about relationships that are so universally challenging? I’ve often wondered how even the best of relationships can often quickly disintegrate into a toxic, painful mess, after years of effort and defeat. Not to mention, I’ve experienced the painful ending of long-term relationships a couple times too many. Not wanting a repeat of past mistakes,in my 30’s, I spent hundreds of hours pouring over the Bible, self-help relationship books and talking to relationship experts to find one common thread: the most fulfilling and fruitful relationships are founded on God’s purpose for marriage.
(If you’re not married, then you can apply the these same concepts, working toward eventual marriage.)
So what is God’s purpose for this relationship between men and women? In the pursuit of personal happiness, we often forget that a new set of goals must be set within the construct of a committed relationship. The goals extend beyond individual needs- its the relationship that we must tend to and care for in order to see it thrive. When God is the foundation and cornerstone to our relationships, our goals shift and we place our hope in Christ who never fails us.
God’s design and purpose for marriage is not for us to simply “be happy”, but rather to Glorify Him through the relationship.
And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
In other words, He aims for us to serve one another, forgive, submit and seek the best interest of our partner in order to glorify God. By trusting God to work on our own hearts and the heart of our partner, we can solely focus on our own growth and areas of improvement. And on this journey, we get to achieve so much more than we ever could on our own.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. – Philippians 2:3
It may sound oh-too simple, but I assure you, the perspective shift from striving to get your own needs met- to meeting the needs of the relationship– does allow you to pause, reflect and reevaluate your actions in a clear, new light. It leads to an eventual shift in priorities and an even better ability to hear and understand your partners needs.
Coming from a broken home myself, I find God’s blueprints for my relationship a relief. I know for a fact that I will fall short and fail Luke over and over again; I understand the limitations of him meeting my every need as well.
How do you think making happiness the goal of your relationship may create problems in your relationship?
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This is interesting to think about. While I’m not really religious, I think that a good relationship of any kind requires mutual respect and effective communication. I agree that making happiness the goal isn’t very realistic. I think a relationship (and I’m sure a marriage as well) is effective when the two people in them realize they are a team working against problems together rather than two individual teams working against each other.
This is my favorite visual as well! It’s US against the world. We have to be on the same team, for sure!
I love how strongly your point comes across. These are great points to make.
Thanks love!
Nice post on inspiring on achieving true relationship goals. I agree god design’s for marriage is not for happiness alone but to glorify him. In india it is said, all LOVE relationships are made in heaven and are decided by god previously only when we take birth.
I love that. In Christianity, God says that he enters into the marriage with us. So a marriage exists between the man, women and God. It’s a pretty special thing! 🙂
I love this thought. Too often we’re too consumed in our own self to think about others and then we wonder why the relationship failed!
Absolutely! It takes a lot more self- sacrifice than we often prepared for. Culture tells us to look out for our own needs first and foremost. But a relationship will never endure with that line of thinking…
I love how you wrote out this post. It’s definitely a great way to reflect on a marriage.
I appreciate that! It’s definitely a relative learning curve 🙂
I love the bible verse. I’m still working on myself and my relationship with god and waiting on right person to share this with 🙂
I love, love, love this!! You two are so cute!